Critique my poem?

Desperate for angst





My crooked, little house,


With a skeletal frame,


Resting, Bent over me.


Planted close is a leafless tree,


Once thick with myrtle green.


His braches rattled from a lusty wind,


But persists to stay grounded.


Inside, I watch


Out the window.


My arms locked


Around my shivering legs,


Clothed in red, cotton pajamas.


I crave the wind to blow me away,


And twist me in its direction.


I creep across the mossy tiles,


To the door,


Wiggling the knob.


The Bitter wind,


Screaming in my face,


As I force my head outside.


A monster,


Raging in the sky,


I put my hands up in the air


And signal:


Eat me alive,


With your yellow fingers.

Critique my poem?
I think it sounded good. It gave me a feeling like I was all alone in some dilapidated house in the middle of nowhere. Depressing, yet nice.
Reply:It%26#039;s mostly good, but then there are parts that are very much off..like when you mention the pajamas, instead you could put %26quot;wrapped in red%26quot;..I felt very chilly and depressed reading this poem, if thats the mood you intend to create then you%26#039;ve done a good job. This is my honest opinion.
Reply:I like the poem but don%26#039;t take my word for it. My only poem was: Leaves are green, and trees are brown, and so are chipmuncks. Random huh??
Reply:i feel your theme should be focused on your first line of poerty and possibly use anaphora to reinforce this concept. i really do like %26#039;my crooked,little house%26#039;. this would make an interesting title. sometimes the obvious is more intruging then the quirky title you have already given your poem
Reply:I think it%26#039;s great. there%26#039;s some really good imagery in there.


I don%26#039;t think you need to add more. If you%26#039;ve stopped now anymore you do could seem force.


keep up the good work :)



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